People Actually Want To Imitate This?

So apparently the Guido look is getting more popular. As a white male, this crap just makes me ashamed of my Caucasian claim. I'm trying to think of an equivalent in another culture, any culture, where turning yourself into an effeminate roided out weirdo makes you more attractive, but apparently this is the way things are now. If every black guy tried to look like Kat Williams because they liked his comedy it'd be just as idiotic. To quote the article: "Another plus, according to Zach: girls like it."

This is what girls are into now? If my great grandpa saw this dude back in the 30s he'd probably stick a boot in his ass. We need more Red Foremans for fathers so not everyone grows up looking like confused lesbians.

The Super Bowl Commericals (..And The Game Was Good, Too)

So the Super Bowl (commercials) were alright.

I didn't make any predictions about the game because I didn't care a whole lot, (I'm a Steelers fan) but I do love football.. so I watched it. I thought the Saints played incredibly gutsy and the Colts played it close to the vest. In other words, I thought the Saints played to win it and the Colts played to not lose. In life and football, big risks = big rewards; so I thought it was great when the Saints kicked the onside kick and did the double-reverse (even though it didn't work) and all the other gutsy play-calls the team made on offense and defense. Don't forget the game-changing interception by the Saints, and the fact that it was their first Super Bowl win in franchise history; add it all up, and it was a great game.

Someone needs to update Manningface.com. I wasn't looking all that closely, but I'm sure he put on the Manning face at least once or twice after A) losing the game and B) throwing that interception.

The Dave, Oprah & Jay Leno commercial for Late Night was perfect. You can watch it here. I always wanted to see Letterman live and always thought he was the best late night guy next to Conan, but I heard he was kind of a jerk so I don't know. I'll probably write more about how much I love Letterman later, but I grew up on him.

What Happened To The Cast Of Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers? Pt. 2

Richard Steven Horvitz, the voice actor for Alpha, ended up getting a ton of work after Power Rangers. This makes sense because he was one of the best characters on the show, other than Tommy. He was the voice of Dag on "Angry Beavers" and the voice of all the enemy soldiers in Metal Gear Solid 4, plus doing work on almost every animated anything in the past 20 years.

He was on an episode of "Static Shock", in the movie "Mulan", and later, in the movie "Shrek". Good for him.

 

Zordon, played by David Fielding, was one of my favorite characters on the show growing up. If my grandpa had a Facebook and was doing the "make your profile picture a celebrity month" thing, his would totally be Zordon. I think this is why I liked Zordon growing up; not only was he a total boss, but he looked like my grandpa. Zordon didn't get much work other than Power Rangers, only doing voices for the video games Sanitarium, Anvil of Dawn, and Zeus: Master of Olympus. 

 

Because these guys were actually best friends in real life, I'll do their paragraph together. Paul Schrier, aka "Bulk", mostly did "Power Rangers" stuff his entire career, only doing one movie outside of the series, "Wicked Game". "Skull," aka Jason Narvy, was in a TV show called "Masked Rider", and also starred in a made for TV movie with Bulk called "The Good, The Bad, & The Stupid: The Misadventures of Bulk & Skull". I imagine the TV movie was something like this.

 

Barbara Goodson, aka "Rita Repulsa", has done a lot of stuff outside of the "Power Rangers" series. She has done voices for everything from "Digimon" to "Naruto", plus countless other video games and Japanese animation shows with names I can't pronounce.

I don't want this to get too sad because this is a kind of non-serious post, but the actor who played the Yellow Ranger, Thuy Trang, is dead. She worked on the sequel to "The Crow" shortly before dying. In the original "The Crow", Brandon Lee got injured doing a stunt and later died from his injuries. People should stay away from those movies, man.

  

Amy Jo Johnson, the Pink and arguably the hottest and most successful Power Ranger, has played in: the TV show "Felicity"; the ABC Family Show For Girls Who Like Horses, "Wildfire; and most recently starred in the show "Flashpoint", which according to IMDB is about "a special tactical team that rescues hostages, busts gangs, defuses bombs, and takes on other tough cases." You can watch Flashpoint online here.

What Happened To The Cast Of Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers? Pt. 1

Why write about the Power Rangers? Because my last write-up about what happened to the cast of a show seems like it's pretty popular. Because any time you hear the words "Power Rangers" the theme song plays in your head. Because one episode, Zack tries to teach Alpha "hip-hop-ki-do". Because reading "aie-aie-aie" makes a robot voice sound in your head. And most of all, because they're awesome. Let's start with Billy.

Billy Cranston, the Loser (Blue) Ranger, ended up playing "Playboy Photographer" in an hour long made for TV movie called After Diff'rent Strokes: When the Laughter Stopped. I don't know what a Playboy Photographer does in a movie called "Different Strokes", but it clearly can't be anything good. Billy always struck me as the "skeevy perv" type, so this is the perfect role for him.

This seems to be his only serious work besides being a producer on "Temptation Island", one of the worst reality TV shows ever made. Who would've thought that playing a gigantic, awkward nerd on a kid's TV show wouldn't get you more work? If he was faking "Billy" from Power Rangers all along and he is actually the coolest man on earth, he deserves an Oscar for his work; but most likely, he actually is a giant nerd.

Tommy, the White Ranger, ended up playing in a movie called "Fall Guy: The John Stewart Story". If you ever wished Tommy would spontaneously combust and fall out of a building and die, you can watch that here. The scene I'm describing is probably something Billy Cranston wished on Tommy numerous times while on the set of Power Rangers.

Walter Jones, the Black Ranger, is missing the middle finger on his left hand, so if you're going to cut-off Walter Jones on the highway, make sure you pass him on the left side so he can't flip you off. Feel free to take both hands off the wheel and wiggle your fingers towards him while you'e passing, too, to show how many more fingers you have than he does.Walter Jones actually has had a very successful career, being on several TV shows (like CSI) and co-starring in a movie called Love and a Bullet. So good for him.

Austin St. John, the Red Ranger, was in the movie Exposé in 1998 and really hasn't done anything outside of Power Rangers. He made a cameo in Power Rangers Wild Force in 2002 as the Red Ranger, and I can only imagine how depressing it is to dress up as a robot man that fights putty monsters when you're almost 30 years old and trying to be a serious actor. I imagine it'd do something like this to you, probably.

 

 In this picture, he looks like he's approaching mid-life crisis. He's only 35. The rest of the cast, I'll do later.

NBA 2K10: Last Name Ever, First Name Greatest

NBA 2K10 is an amazing game if you like basketball and have friends, but the Career Mode is especially awesome. I decided to make a 6'7" Point Guard that has a giant afro and tons of tattoos. Because I like all my create-a-players to be cocky, I named him "Greatest Ever" with the #23. You can pick a nickname for the announcer to call your dude, so I picked "Mr. Perfect," which sounds awesome but seems sarcastic when your guy misses a lay-up from 3 feet away for the 5th time in a row. After a while, it almost seems like the announcer's mocking me.

But then, your guy gets awesome. I dropped 30 points on some jabroni team (I think it was the Knicks) so my retard zombie coach decided to start me. I should clarify that by saying that Erik Spoelstra isn't actually a retarded zombie in real life, but in the game he kind of looks like this:

   So that's what I call him. If you didn't know by the name of my coach, I chose to be on the Miami Heat after training camp. I like Dwayne Wade and played with the Heat a lot in 2K9, so I knew the team somewhat.. but that turned out to be a big mistake.

Dwayne Wade sucks and averages about six points a game in my NBA2K10 career mode, so I have to carry the team. The only problem with this is my shooter is incredibly streaky and zombie retard Erik Spoelstra decides to yank me the second D-Wade misses a shot, because digital D-Wade is a diva who won't pass to me, the star. Other than that, I love the game. I hope I either get traded or my zombie coach gets fired, though.

Keep Your Man-Boobs & Dongs To Yourselves, Please.

So there are naked pictures on the internet of Greg Oden and shirtless pictures of Terrance Cody. I'm pretty sure one of these two were the reason that guy's face melted off when he opened the Ark Of The Covenant in Indiana Jones.

 
For anybody who doesn't know, Greg Oden is the guy above. Face-melting pics of Terrance Cody are below. They might make you vomit. Don't say I didn't warn you..

This is what I imagine the maid from Billy Madison (RIP) looks like shirtless, unfortunately.

Ignorance Is (Sometimes) Bliss

I hate when people make generalizations. Example A: People who say all rap music sounds the same. What does this even mean?

If I had to break down their argument, I guess I would say that ever rap song has two things: a beat and lyrics. But can't the same argument be made about rock or any other type of music? The relationship these people have with rap is probably similar to the relationship I have with your mother: we just hit each other up when we go to the club. Club BS like Soulja Boy and Flo-Rida is great when you're dancing, but it certainly isn't a good representation of what makes rap great.

Rap is way more than just money, cash, hoes, etc, though. Some examples:

Lupe Fiasco - Daydreamin' A song about a giant robot.
Atmosphere - Say Shh A song about how Minnesota is awesome.
A.D. - Mr. Wendal About a homeless guy the rapper feeds and who gives him advice in return.
Kanye West - Diamonds Are Forever  About conflict diamonds.Wikipedia will tell you more.

There's many more examples of great rap if you look hard enough. Since most people pick on Soulja Boy and Flo-Rida when they say all rap sounds the same, I went to the equivalent in rock: Nickelback. Listening to this with headphones on will make your head explode: All Nickelback Songs Sound The Same. The broader point is this: that all bad music sounds similar, regardless of genre. If I want to make a derivative rap song, it's not that hard: I can talk about how I made it rain last night when I saw your mom onstage, etc. The same argument is usually brought out when people want to complain about any genre, like how country music is about losing your dog, wife, truck, and all that crap. To that I say, there's good country music too. If you don't like rap, that's cool, but don't keep blaming it on the fact that it all sounds the same.